A year. Has it really been that long ...The studio, people and subject return to me as if no time has passed, familiar and yet I feel a stranger in this place. I re- acquaint myself with the familiar – High heels, improvisations, blood, screams, laughter, song, folk dance, contact, questions, young people, older people and boxes, everywhere boxes, each one full of potential and the fear of not finding what I am looking for.
What am I looking for?
A statement - “equality for all”? A provocation? Applause? An answer/question? A release? Clarity? Purpose - my purpose – my purpose in this – a home in Motherland.
Is my purpose to provide, be strong, to be Male? What is Male …
The chain of thoughts and questions is endless. I find myself tied in knots. My responses scratch the surface of the deep layers of sediment that form our research. I am recreating stereotype’s much of the time and if not, what can I say with certainty? There’s more to this and I want to get there. I want to go beyond the stereotypes. Not just to look back on what’s been, at the struggles of the past and confusion of the present, but to look forward and to offer something that is positive in building a future out of all this.
I want to make my home here, lay foundations with these questions, build a house from my answers, put down roots in the history, sow seeds with my actions and reap the harvest to come.
Motherland I am here to stay.