Eye opening today how the same fragment of material can affect me fundamentally differently depending on small shifts of instruction on how to frame it, share it, show, it, play with it, present it...
The material, the scenes, the riffs, the tracks, the fragments generated over the last 4 weeks, and re - occurring from last year's R and D is here and feels very solid, it keeps coming back, showing up... 'working'
But .....the instructions surrounding how the fragments get shown, the way it is mixed feels delicate like the chaos theory, the butterfly affect, one small beating wing can cause a hurricane somewhere else this is what the current exploration feels like in rehearsal right now, and next steps feel like they hanging on this on these choices...
What is the instruction linked to time and duration that best serves this solid yet totally fragile material that is arriving in the space?
We talk about...Is it a five hour durational piece, is it a set of fixed tracks that the performers mix live, does it have an interval...what impositions are there from the outside....
I see Charlotte waiting...waiting for the congruency of material, time and form to arrive.......
The material I'm seeing feels as if it's coming from and hitting me on a sensory, non verbal, body, memory, visual level.
Its hard to talk about it intellectually and this feels fresh and different from times of working with the company before...it's hard to talk about because words don't feel so useful in responding to what I'm seeing...it's bypassing my head
How I can respond today is to talk about...
When I laughed because I what I was seeing shocked me and woke me up
When my body sighed in recognition
When I got goose bumps all over because I recognised something
When my heart was touched, opened and lifted
When I found myself grinning and a laughing along
When my eyes brimmed with tears
When I felt exposed because of a look between me and a performer.
When I felt a layer of new understanding compute in my brain as I saw the whole struggle of how to be a man today expressed only through movement
When I winced at the tightrope between cliche, gratuitousness, archetype and held my breath waiting for the fall
When I found my body relaxing as I was given space to watch and reflect
(Ruth Ben-Tovim - Dramaturg)