Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Charlotte, Scott, Alex, Aurora, Janusz and Patrycja's thoughts from three years ago

I feel very uncertain as to what can be next after so much questioning, but with some time off this will emerge and unfold as it always does and I will start to make phone calls to these talented, committed collaborators. 'Hey, I've had this idea I think we should try...' 

Remember the words of a lady who came to me after the show and said: "As long as I live on this earth, I always thought that the sign to clap and leave the theatre was when the houselights are on". 

People/the public seem to be finding things in the work to ponder, some of them. Others ponder other things. What people like, what people dislike.I think the work wanted to ask some questions of conventions. The rub, has caused some heat, here and there. I can’t tell if we are hip. Or not. Depends on who you ask. At any rate, Thank God she went on. It has changed our lives, forever. 

I find it hard to talk about something that I do and live because of my inability to express it differently. I get up on stage to try and share that, which cannot be put into words or even into actions. Yet, I try. Not always do I agree with what I am supposed to be portraying on stage, but that’s why they call it professionalism. In that sense, I think I’ve matured a lot; in accepting that the world doesn’t start or end with my opinion.Yet, I try…I sometimes fight to great lengths for what I believe and hope that those around me have come to understand that as passion rather than discarding it as mere pigheadedness.

We have talked a lot this week and it has been useful, non-egocentric talking - about the work and what it needs, what it means, what it offers us, where it may be going. All three performers are is working within a restricted palette of language - pushing one idea as far as it can go, making, dismantling, reworking, reshaping, repeating, pushing it around. We end up with multiple versions of similar material, material that can be looped and repeated, but what is exciting is that we are now distilling down - making decisions about what works and what needs to be rejected and removed from the picture. I enjoy this process. Mining, digging, reforming, recalling, settling on one version that might be something. And we are rupturing the material - marking it, speeding it up, stealing from others, writing it, scoring it, reading it, omitting bits....shifting between languages...

You can look at the picture, the emotions, you can frame them, there is no need to sink into them... there is more room for play, for mistakes, for being who you are.

Equipped with confidence I storm onto the stage, only to experience a wave of doubt. A difference between FEELING and ACTING doubt. “I am real...There isn’t such a thing as being real on the stage”.

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